We played AL’s latest acquisition:
Tonight let me tell you two tales pertaining to a certain house, perched upon a certain hill and in which betrayal certainly took place.
It all started when three plucky and in no way associated individuals happened to arrive at the house at the same time whilst all out for a walk. Professor Longfellow (played by MC), candle enthusiast and expert (now retired) stroked his scraggly beard as he pondered the dark portal to the house he espied whilst ruminating on tallow. He was soon joined by two others, a man who introduced himself as Darren Williams ‘but call me Flash’ (played by AL) and a creepy little girl dragging a rather unkempt teddy bear called Zoe Inngstrom (played by SC). It was inevitable that these three complete strangers would decide to enter the freaky house and explore it. Just because.
No sooner were the hapless trio inside, then Flash darted through the first door he reached and proceeded to encounter a successive melange of difficulties that left him near death. Not willing to be left alone with the creepy girl and her teddy bear, Longfellow tried another door. It was not long before he encountered a busty girl with whom he immediately hit it off with and she soon learned that he was not just Longfellow by name, but also by reputation. Together, they explored the upper floor rooms, and each other, their enjoyment only marginally being hampered by a dagger they discovered which had lodged the tendrils sprouting from the handle into Longfellow’s forearm.
Meanwhile, Zoe quickly located a hidden door, leading to a secret passageway and a loyal dog, before falling though the floor into the basement. Not long afterward she was joined down there by Flash until he somehow heard of the professor’s success at entering the vault and his discovery of a healing salve. Fortunately, there was a secret staircase that lead him almost straight to Longfellow but, following his run of luck, got entangled in a spider’s web like no other. Zoe discovered a creepy doll and suddenly the whole mood of the house changed and the haunting began. Never trust creepy little girls wandering about on their own and who play with VOODOO DOLLS (scenario 25) as a hobby. Flash felt an obstruction in his throat and found it difficult to breath. Longfellow experienced stabbing pains, but that could just be the knife, or a stich from all the exercise he was getting.
Longfellow quickly healed Flash with the salve and Flash, using his restored strength, wriggled free of the web. Using clues they began to hunt for the dolls. Almost immediately, Longfellow, by using his brainy brain, found his doll in the garden and, after tickling it a bit in a special place, reluctantly destroyed it and Zoe’s power over him. Flash suddenly choked to death in the foyer. Zoe gloated, cackling in the darkness as Longfellow left the house, candleless, but with the as-yet-unnamed girl of his dreams.
In an alternate set of dimensions 3 other plucky doomed explorers met up outside a similarly decrepit and unwholesome house upon some accursed hilly thing. This time Father Rhinehardt (AL) lead Heather Granville (SC) and Ox Bellows (MC) into the house. Some questionable cosmic shuffling, meant our hapless heroes discovered pretty much the same stuff as their pan-dimensional counterparts. Heather, fell through to a useless basement (because the stupid builders forgot to put in stairs). Ox checked out the ground floor and Father Rhinehardt moseyed on upstairs and pretty much did everything short of actually killing himself. It seemed that our touring trio only really got going before Ox’s discovery of a ring in the basement (he fell down a coal chute) caused A BREATH OF WIND (scenario 17) and revealed Heather to be in league with the resident poltergeist.
Rhinehardt and Bellows needed to get as many candles as they could from the dining room by using only the random usefulness of a magic elevator. The dim-witted Bellows, found the first candle and passed it to the brainier Father to start performing the exorcism. The good Father couldn’t roll dice to save his life, and was indeed killed by the treacherous Heather. With one candle conveniently dropped in the basement, Bellows only needed two more, but kept looking until he found four (he found that rubbing his idol a lot, his eyesight actually got better). With the demented Heather closing in, he dived down the chute again and single-handedly exorcised the extremely heavily-armed and many-armed poltergeist. He wearily searched about for some non-existent stairs and the story ends here.
The Treachery award goes to: SC who shows us all what happens when you let girls play board games.
The Worm Food award goes to: AL who managed to die horribly in both scenarios.
MC is not expecting any awards for writing this.